Often I head down to my local store and, being the lazy bastard that I am, walk myself to the frozen food isle in an attempt to find something that looks tasty while not being so expensive as to break the bank. Luckily for me, the store I go to usually has a giant frozen lasagna on sale at a reasonable price.
These things are huge, so much so that I can literally devour their cheesy goodness for three days and need spend no more than the ten bucks for the single meal, a few hours prepping it and the occasional five-minute microwave wait to reheat it when the next day arrives. These lasagna dishes that I consume are of the “five cheese” variety, featuring more than enough cheese to satisfy virtually anyone. So when I strolled through that magical frozen food isle and spotted a “six cheese” lasagna, what was I to think?
Six cheeses?! That is even better than five, right? I mean, it’s one more cheese so it has to be better! At least that was how I thought when I first discovered this strange and exotic marvel. Now, since I have had time to think about more, I wonder if perhaps the world should have stopped at five.
Is that sixth cheese really the thing that will make lasagna so much better? Or does it transform that perfect frozen gourmet experience into something vile and unclean? Does the presence of a sixth dairy marvel push the boundaries of cheese enjoyment too far for human beings on this planet Earth? Is it nothing more than an abomination, damned in the eyes of God?
Now I am torn. I want the sixth cheese, but I can’t help but feel I am either being roped into spending more by some clever marketing department or that I will push myself beyond the cheese limit and thus imperil my health and sanity. So much cheese… so many decisions to make that could have far-reaching repercussions. Is this all some plot by a secret organization to constipate the people of the United States?
So for the present I will avoid a sixth cheese in my frozen lasagna ritual. I will content myself to five of them and try to resist the temptation to cross that potentially hazardous line. One of these days, however, I know I will cave in to temptation and spend the extra two bucks to get that sixth cheese. How it will affect me, only God knows. And if it does not fare well, I may see him face-to-face following my foray into “the sixth.”